Feeling Lighter

I have recently lost some weight….OK I have recently lost almost 20lbs….finally it is to the place where people are starting to notice and comment…which is definitely a nice affirmation. Believe me I do appreciate it. I think honestly for the first time I was motivated to make this change, not by vanity or some need to fit into the norms of people around me, but by the fragility of my own life. Recently seeing one of my co-workers go from a trip to the emergency room for chest pain to a quadruple bypass in a day....really got me thinking about my own situation and how I was heading down that same path.

I can't believe how many years I have found a friend and an unconditional source of comfort in food. It was always there for me...welcoming me and giving me pleasure...never failing to give me the feeling of relief and refuge from the world around me. Whether stress or depression, it always came through....and although most of the time I regretted it afterwards, for the moment I was at peace and sheltered from the harsh world surrounding me. I was young and it never really mattered if I gained a few pounds here or there...if it kept me sane, it was more than worth it.

I am not young anymore. My once resilient body does not have the memory it once did. Now it begins to show the results of a life lived for the comfort of food. My health has suffered, and my body has suffered, and I as a person have suffered. It was easier to cook then to deal with my life, easier to eat than to exercise and treat myself with the respect that I afforded to making the perfect dinner.

My parents have given me a wonderful heritage and at the same time a boatload of pre-existing medical maladies passed down through generations and now finally into me. I face a future of diagnostic tests relating to histories of diabetes, heart disease and alzheimers. I see my need for comfort and refuge not changing, but I do see that food has begun to lose the hold it had on that part of me. I love to cook, love to eat, but now that I am in the middle portion of my life, I can see that I love the idea of living even more.