If Today Is Your Birthday

So many birthdays of people I know in July. My mother’s, my best friend’s, an ex, some family friends, co-workers all crammed into 31 days. Such a myriad of ages as well, many milestones, and for some just another year older.

For my mother it has been a year of battling health issues. Each new one has raised the reality of her own mortality and shortly thereafter we have begun a new type of conversation...one I have dreaded since my fathers passing....final wishes. At first it was a sudden mad rush of cleaning, actually more like purging that occurred throughout the house. I didn’t think a lot of it at the time, assuming it was simply a spring/summer cleaning. But eventually I realized she was downsizing. After tackling the garage I finally asked her why she was so determined to get rid of all this stuff of hers....her simple reply...."So you have less to go through after I am gone". The reality of it hit hard and brought tears to my eyes.

Next was the revision of the will. I never paid attention to it before, even after my fathers death it was an issue, but not one I considered very much. Now there were new terms to learn, Living Trust, Grantor, Trustee...I learned of my mothers preferences for who was to receive family jewelry, treasured possessions, names once in favor, now were changed out of favor - I felt as if I were eavesdropping on her private affairs until it became clear now that these were now my affairs as well. An eerie reality also became clear...as a single, only child what would become of my mothers estate if I were to pass before her. Difficult decisions to be made.

Then there was the issue of final wishes. I guess it had been on her mind so these decisions were definite, thought out and she seemed comfortable talking about them. I found it oddly reassuring that she did know what she wanted and that it was something I could assure her would take place.

Then it was done. The conversations ended and life went back much as it had been. She is still fighting health issues, but as of her birthday this month was hanging in there. We celebrated her birthday recently with a quiet dinner out. At the end of our meal I once again toasted her birthday and she thanked me and then very solemnly looked at me and said...I don’t think I will be here to celebrate next year.